United States
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It was not naive of you · 5 minute read
The feelings were real. The person may not have been.
The feelings you had were real. The person on the other end may not have been. Catfishing is a fake identity built to start a relationship; a romance scam is the same setup with a financial goal attached. Both prey on genuine loneliness and trust, and gaming and online communities - full of people looking for connection - are a common hunting ground.
If you are in immediate danger, stop reading and call your local emergency number now - 911 in the US and Canada, 999 in the UK and Ireland, 000 in Australia, 111 in New Zealand, or 112 across most of Europe.
Signs the relationship isn't what it looks like
- They can never video call - always a broken camera, bad connection, or a reason it has to wait, indefinitely.
- The photos feel too polished - reverse-image-searching them turns up someone else's profile, or a stock photo.
- Their story doesn't hold together - details about their job, location, or life change slightly each time, or feel rehearsed.
- Things move to money fast - an emergency, an investment "opportunity," shipping fees, or travel costs to finally meet in person.
- They deflect meeting in real life repeatedly, always with a plausible-sounding reason.
The hard rule
Never send money, gift cards, or crypto to someone you haven't met in person - full stop, no matter how real it feels or how good the reason sounds. This single rule stops almost every version of this scam cold.
If it's already happened
- Stop sending money immediately, even if they escalate the pressure or the story - the pressure escalating is itself a sign, not a reason to give in.
- Report it to the platform, and in the U.S. to the FTC (reportfraud.ftc.gov) or FBI's IC3 (ic3.gov); most countries have an equivalent fraud-reporting body.
- Talk to your bank if you've sent money - some transfers can still be reversed or flagged if you act quickly.
- Don't let embarrassment stop you from telling someone. This scam is built by professionals targeting genuinely kind, trusting people - falling for it says nothing bad about you.
Real help, wherever you are
Help where you live
Services and numbers change over time. If one of these is wrong or missing for your country, telling us is worth more than anything else on this page.
Canada
Credit-card disputes and consumer rights are split between federal and provincial rules. Report fraud to your financial institution and the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre.
United Kingdom
Card purchases may have chargeback or statutory protection depending on how and how much you paid. Report fraud to your bank and the UK's official fraud-reporting route.
Australia
Use card or platform protections and report scams to your bank and Scamwatch. Do not send money by gift card, crypto, or transfer to an unverified seller.
New Zealand
Use protected payment options, keep evidence, and report online scams through Netsafe, your bank, and Police where appropriate.
Ireland
Card and consumer protections come from Irish and EU rules. Contact your bank quickly after fraud and report scams to Gardaí where appropriate.
Worldwide
Payment-dispute and identity-theft protections differ by country. Use a protected payment method, keep receipts, and follow your national cyber-safety agency after fraud.
Common questions
The questions people actually ask
What are the signs of a romance scam?
They cannot ever video call, the relationship gets very intense very fast, there is always a reason not to meet, and eventually there is an emergency that money would solve. The intensity is not affection, it is speed being used as a tool.
How do I check whether someone is real?
Ask for a live video call at a moment you pick rather than one they schedule, and run a reverse image search on their photos. A real person can do a spontaneous call. A stolen photo set usually turns up somewhere else.
I already sent money. Can I get it back?
Sometimes, if you move immediately. Contact your bank or the transfer service right away and report it as fraud, because some transfers can be recalled within a short window. Crypto and gift cards are the hardest to recover, which is exactly why scammers ask for them.
Why do I still miss them if none of it was real?
Because your side of it was real. You were not attached to a fake person, you were attached to months of your own genuine feeling, and grief for that is not foolish.
Should I be embarrassed?
No, and the shame is what keeps most of these unreported. These are run at scale by organized operations, professionally, against thousands of people at once. Being targeted is not evidence of anything about you.
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